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New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:34 am
by bonnacon
Scabious the Leper . . . . . .
resized leper.jpg

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:48 am
by John Waller
And cue (to the tune of Yesterday)

Leprosy.
That old rotten man just touched my knee.
Now my flesh is falling off of me.
Oh, I think I got leprosy.

Suddenly
I'm just half the man I used to be.
There are pieces coming off of me.
Yes, leprosy came suddenly.

Why'd my arm fall off?
I don't know, no one will say.
I know something's wrong,
'cause my leg just walked away (without me.)

Yesterday,
I could always lounge the time away.
Now my bed is in a slimy way,
Oh, leprosy's ruined my day.

Why did I get cursed
with this rot? I need to hide.
I'm sure I'm diseased
for my spleen fell out my side. (ooooohhhh.)

Leprosy
has become a big problem for me.
All my friends now run away from me.
Oh how I hate this leprosy.

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:59 am
by bonnacon
BRILL ! How did you know I was looking for a song? Can I use it around the fire of an evening perchance.......?

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 11:44 am
by John Waller
bonnacon wrote:BRILL ! How did you know I was looking for a song? Can I use it around the fire of an evening perchance.......?
Please do. I've no idea who wrote it and I know that, in the best folk tradition, there are many variations and other verses incorporating additional diseases . It's been sung by my old SK regt for many, many years.

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:08 pm
by bonnacon
'tis obliged I am :thumbup:

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 11:31 am
by Gerald ye Herald
I think I've got from you then!! coz I laughed so much my head fell off!! :D

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 7:35 pm
by bonnacon
Well, Scabious was launched upon an unsuspecting public ~ and unsuspecting re-enactors too ~ at Jimmy's Pig farm over the weekend. Grown ups ran off but one small girl came up and put 6p in my bowl, bless 'er !!

And the song went down well too :D

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 8:34 pm
by Miss Costello
Scary. Genuinely scary.

Bless the little lass putting her pennies in though! :D

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:18 pm
by miscreant
Why did they have to stop the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.

What do you call a leper in a bathtub? Chunky soup.

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 9:48 pm
by narvek
What do you after shaking hands with the leper? Return it.

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 5:20 pm
by bonnacon
I went to the whorehouse after the display....as I left I said "Thanks, keep the tip!"

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 7:58 pm
by Brian la Zouche
cryin my eyes out here

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 12:22 pm
by houseoffreyja
bonnacon wrote:Well, Scabious was launched upon an unsuspecting public ~ and unsuspecting re-enactors too ~ at Jimmy's Pig farm over the weekend. Grown ups ran off but one small girl came up and put 6p in my bowl, bless 'er !!

And the song went down well too :D
Have you still got the "alms for the poor"

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2010 6:27 pm
by bonnacon
Indeed I have!! Brilliant jape thanks :D Sorry about the delay in replying but I got back yesterday from a three week sojourn in horspittal and I'm now catching up on emails.

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2010 6:50 am
by Wim-Jaap
don't p*ss him off, cause when he gives ya the finger, he really GIVES you the finger!

how can ya see a lepre has been to the pool? his feet are still on the diving board!\

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:06 pm
by Colin Middleton
I saw some fellow dressed up like this at Penshurst last weekend. Was that you?

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:16 pm
by Mike Garrett
Nice outfit!


How do you get a leper out of bed?

...


...


Dustpan and brush.




What do you call three lepers in a bath?


...

...

Porridge.

And some I purloined from da Intahwebz...


Q: Did you hear what happened when the leper who ran into a
screen door?
A: He strained himself.


Q. What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
A. Chowder


How do you fit 47 lepers in a Volkswagen?
Use a blender.

How do you get them out?
Use Doritos.


What's the difference between a leper and a tree?
A tree has limbs.


What do you do when a female leper bats her eyes at you?
Catch 'em and yell "You're OUT!"


How can you tell if you've gotten a letter from a leper?
There's a tongue stuck to the envelope.


"Mrs. Johnson, can Timmy come out to play?"
"Now, boys, you know Timmy has leprosy."
"Then can we come inside and just watch him rot?"


Why did the leper go to the gun dealer?
He wanted to buy some arms.


Why did they cancel the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner!


Did you hear about the leper who laughed his head off?


DId you hear about the guy who picked up a leper at the gay bar?
After he pulled it out, he got himself a nice piece of ass.


How do you make a skeleton?
Put a leper in a wind tunnel.


How do you make leper sausage?
Put a baggie at the other end.


Did you hear about the lepers against the bomb?
They were already disarmed.


How can you stop a leper from robbing a bank?
You dis-arm him.


Never say to a leper, "Give me some skin!"
Worse, don't ask them to give you head.


Why did the hooker leave the leper colony?
Business was dropping off.


What does a leper say to the hooker ?
Answer: keep the tip !


How many lepers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and the other to give him a hand.


Why have lepers got soft heads?
So their friends can dip their chips in.


Did you hear about the Leper Card game?
One threw his hand in, one laughed his head off and one cried
his eyes out.


How do you make spagetti?
Hit a lepper over the head with a tennis racket.



A man walked into a restaurant and was stopped at the door
by the host who informed him this was a restaurant for lepers.
The man hadn't eaten all day and had been travelling for 14
hours, and begged the host to let him eat there, at this point
he was desperate for food. The host said, "Okay, if you're sure
you don't mind the sight, many people have boils, missing body
parts, and look quite unappetizing."
So the man agrees that it will be okay, and he sits down and
orders his food. He takes one bite and throws up. The waiter
told him he was sorry, and brought him a new dish. He takes
on bite, and again throws up.
Suddenly, the man sitting in front of him turns around and
says, "I'm sorry about that my body looks so disgusting with
all these sores. I can move to another seat if the sight of
me makes you so ill."
The man who has just thrown up twice calmly responds, "It
is not you that is making me ill, it is the man sitting next
to you dipping french fries in your back."



Do you know why the Beatles never played at a lepper colony?
Lend me your ear and i'll sing you a song..."


Did you hear they had to cancel the leper football game?
There was a hand-off at the 50 yard line.


What do you call a leper in a Jacuzzi?
Porridge. No, call him Stew


Hear about the Leper who failed his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.


Why was the Leper unable to talk?
Cat had his tongue.


Why was the Leper kicked off the relay team?
He lost the last leg.


Why did the Leper baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.


Why couldn't the Leper tie his new running shoes?
They cost him an arm and a leg.


Why do Lepers make such good neighbors?
They're always willing to lend a hand.


Why did the Lepers lose the war?
Because they were defeated from the start.

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 5:22 pm
by bonnacon
Hi Colin!
I was lepering at Pensthorpe, Norfolk, last Bank Holiday weekend, in between cooking with 4and20blackbirds. Did you mean that, or Penshurst?
No copyright on it anyhow :D

Senilis!
Heh heh heh

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 7:54 pm
by Domitia
bonnacon wrote:I went to the whorehouse after the display....as I left I said "Thanks, keep the tip!"
I just nearly ruined a keyboard spluttering my tea out with laughter reading this.

Great outfit!

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:50 pm
by Colin Middleton
bonnacon wrote:Hi Colin!
I was lepering at Pensthorpe, Norfolk, last Bank Holiday weekend, in between cooking with 4and20blackbirds. Did you mean that, or Penshurst?
No copyright on it anyhow :D

Senilis!
Heh heh heh
Pensthorpe (the one with all the birds), I'm just not very bright right now.

We were camped on the corner, with the armour on the stand.

Colin

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 8:39 pm
by bonnacon
Colin - PM sent

Re: New for 2010

Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:11 pm
by Type16
So............
if it is authentic kit............
how would a leper 'hand sew' it :D :D :D


Excellent. So well done.

Andy.